The Cage You Built: Why Your Circle is Keeping You Average

There is a cliché in the self-development world that you’ve heard a thousand times: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

We nod along. We post it on our stories. We agree with the sentiment.

But very few of us actually look around the room and do the math. And when we do, the numbers don't add up to the life we say we want.

We often talk about obstacles as things that are outside of us—the economy, the job market, the lack of time. But the most dangerous obstacle to your potential isn't a wall; it’s a cage. And the terrifying part? You built the cage yourself, out of the people you chose to surround yourself with.

The Crab Bucket Reality

If you put a single crab in a bucket, it will eventually climb out. It is relentless. It wants freedom.

But if you put a dozen crabs in that same bucket, something strange happens. If one crab tries to climb up the side, the others will reach up, grab its legs, and pull it back down. They don’t do this because they are evil; they do it because it is the instinct of the group to keep everyone together. Even if "together" means trapped.

Humans are no different.

When you decide to be Relentless—when you decide to start the business, train for the marathon, or sober up—you are the crab reaching for the rim.

And suddenly, the people who love you most might start making comments:

• "Why are you working so hard? You’re making us look bad."

• "You’ve changed. You think you’re better than us now?"

• "Come on, just one drink won't kill you."

This is the Crab Bucket Mentality. They aren't trying to hurt you. They are trying to keep you safe in the reality they understand. They are subconsciously terrified that if you climb out, you will leave them behind, or worse—your success will shine a light on their refusal to grow.

The Hard Truth: Fuel vs. Water

You have to ask yourself a brutal question today: Are your friends fueling your fire, or are they pissing on it?

There is no middle ground.

Energy is contagious. If you are surrounded by people who complain, blame, and settle, you will eventually do the same. It is atmospheric pressure; you cannot fight it forever.

The Nuance: Growth isn't "Fake"

Here is where people get tripped up. They think that "changing their circle" means they have to become a transactional jerk. They worry that leaving old friends behind makes them "fake" or "disloyal."

Let’s be clear: There is a difference between abandonment and alignment.

You are not "fake" for needing to be around people who speak the language of growth. You are not "fake" for refusing to spend your Friday nights gossiping or getting wasted.

You can love people from a distance.

You can cherish the history you have with your childhood friends without letting them hold the steering wheel of your future. You can pour into them, love them, and wish them well—but you cannot let them anchor you to a harbor you are trying to sail away from.

If you are the smartest, most driven person in the room, you are in the wrong room. Not because you are "too good" for them, but because you have stopped learning. You have stopped being challenged.

The Rule of Thirds

So, how do you curate a circle without becoming an elitist? How do you keep your heart while guarding your mind?

Adopt the Rule of Thirds:

1. 33% of your time with people below your level. These are the people you pour into. The people you mentor. The friends who need a hand up. Being Relentless means giving back. We don't climb the mountain just to stand at the top; we climb to drop a rope for others. (But warning: Do not let them pull you down while you are trying to pull them up.)

2. 33% of your time with people at your level. These are your running mates. Your peers. The people in the trenches with you. They understand the struggle because they are living it. You sharpen each other.

3. 33% of your time with people above your level. These are the expanders. The mentors. The people who make you feel uncomfortable because they are playing a game so big that it forces you to level up just to keep up.

Break the Cage

If you look around your circle and see no one who inspires you, no one who challenges you, and no one who is doing what you want to do... you are in a cage.

It’s time to unlock the door.

This doesn't mean you have to fire your best friend today. It means you need to actively seek out new rooms. Go to the networking event. Join the gym where the savages train. Reach out to that person you admire.

The individual is free only to the extent of his own mastery, and part of that mastery is mastering your environment.

Don't let the crabs pull you back in.

CALL TO ACTION

Take an audit of your "Top 5" this week.

Write down their names. Next to each name, write "Fuel" or "Drain."

If you realize you are surrounded by drains, you don't need to make a dramatic exit. You just need to start diluting the pool. Add one person this week who intimidates you. Add one person who is winning in a way you want to win.

Your potential is suffocating in comfort. Give it some fresh air.

You have the potential. The rest is up to you. Get after it. Until next time... Stay Relentless.